Many of us have often heard the phrase ‘it takes a village,’ usually referring to the effort of raising children. But recently, a new version of this phrase has been circulating on various social media platforms. Maybe you’ve heard it, too. . .
Everyone wants a village, but nobody wants to be a villager.
In an article published in Frontiers in Public Health, they state that the phrase “it takes a village to raise a child” originated as an African proverb that conveys the message that…
“It takes many people (‘the village’) to provide a safe, healthy environment for children, where children are given the security they need to develop and flourish, and to be able to realize their hopes and dreams.”
This village is made up of many ‘villagers’ who take care of a child beyond the role of parent. These villagers can be siblings, grandparents, cousins, neighbours, teachers, friends, or even someone you’ve just met. And having “a village” isn’t just for bringing up children; it’s about the importance of community. These four simple words, ‘It takes a village,’ capture a powerful message: it takes many people to help one another, and people flourish best when they are part of a community, no matter who they are.
But in today’s digital world, these types of personal villages and close communities are shrinking. The trending phrase “Everyone wants a village, but nobody wants to be a villager” captures a popular sentiment among young people: we often want the kind of close community our ancestors had, but we don’t know how to put in the effort to create and maintain those relationships. Frontiers’s article notes…
“The village, in many countries today, is dissipated and fragmented, and individuals are increasingly isolated and are not eager to ask for, or provide help to, others. Family breakdown, economic pressures, long working hours and increased mobility have all contributed to families feeling less connected […]”
So, what does being a GOOD villager mean?
- Help your friends with hard things… even when you don’t feel like it. This could be making time in your schedule to help a friend move into a new apartment, or driving them to the airport before they leave for a long trip. Offer to proofread an assignment they’re worried about submitting, or rehearse questions with them when they have an important job interview coming up. It’s these small actions that take real effort which keep us a part of a bigger community.
- Listen to your friends without distraction. It’s hard to concentrate on what your friends are saying when we always have our attention pulled towards our electronic devices. Put your phone down and really listen to what they’re saying.
- Building on the previous point, remember the small details your friends and family tell you! We’ve all experienced a moment when someone remembers something seemingly small that you mentioned, and you suddenly feel seen and heard. If you’re a forgetful friend, take notes in a small journal to help you better keep track of the important things in your villagers’ lives. Keep a calendar with key dates, such as their birthdays, achievements, or anniversaries.
- Be a cheerleader and a shoulder to cry on. Being a good villager means being around for the good times and the bad. When your friend succeeds, celebrate with them as if it were your own success. If they’ve suffered a loss, be the friend who checks in on them and offers to help where you can.
- Stay connected, even when you’re not together. Reach out to make plans and don’t cancel them, or tell them that you’re thinking of them. Especially when you’re separated by distance, sending letters and postcards is a meaningful way of keeping in touch. “Staying connected” doesn’t always have to take place through a screen.
- Ask for help when you need it, and accept help when it’s offered. Being a good villager goes both ways. You’re not a burden when you ask for help. Sometimes, accepting advice or receiving an extra hand is the key to your own well-being and happiness.
Of course, you can’t be a good villager without first having a village. But how do you find your village when it feels impossible to meet new people and have true, authentic friendships?
How to Build a Village:
Step 1. Nurture the connections you already have. A village can be built from many smaller communities in your life. Maybe you already have “villagers” around you that you haven’t realized before. These people can be the people at your gym, work friends, neighbours, etc.
Step 2. Build new circles. Fehr and Harasymchuk’s research on the role of friendships in our well-being notes that, “There is compelling evidence that having a large number of friends contributes to a happy, fulfilling, healthy life. This seems especially true when those friendships are close and satisfying.” At LifeBonder, we recognize how important true friendship is, and we’re here to help you meet people, share moments, belong to a community, and feel at home with us. LifeBonder can help you build new circles and find strong friendships.
Step 3. Build your village by taking initiative. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and neither will your village. Taking small steps, like hosting dinners, following up on plans, and creating traditions, is the best way to take initiative.
Step 4. Your village can travel long distances. One benefit of our digital world is that it’s never been easier to stay in touch with long-distance friends. Your village can still be built with loved ones who live far away; it might just take a little extra effort.
Step 5. Start and uphold traditions. Villages are often built around an important event that brings people together. Traditions turn friends into a community, and recurring plans create connections. Consistency with these events ensures that your village thrives.
The most important thing to remember is that the best way to create your village is to experience life together and nurture new connections, maintaining a balance between virtual and real life. In the past, LifeBonder has hosted events to foster new connections among like-minded people, such as when we explored Kastellet and Langelinieparken under blooming cherry blossoms in April last year, or when we walked through the Copenhagen Light Festival.
Together, we can build our own villages and be the villagers we want in our lives.
Let’s bring back the community we’ve lost!
To read more about some of LifeBonder’s past events focusing on connecting the community, check out these blog posts:
Sources
Fehr, Beverley, and Cheryl Harasymchuk. “The Role of Friendships in Well-Being.” Subjective Well-Being and Life Satisfaction, edited by James E. Maddux, 1st ed., Routledge, 2018, pp. 103–28, https://doi.org/10.4324/9781351231879-5.
Reupert A, Straussner SL, Weimand B and Maybery D (2022) “It Takes a Village to Raise a Child: Understanding and Expanding the Concept of the ‘Village’”. Front. Public Health 10:756066. doi: 10.3389/fpubh.2022.756066
Featured Photo taken by Helena Lopes
Kelsey Gatis
Kelsey is a writer and aspiring journalist with a BA in English Literature and Creative Writing. She is currently studying for her MA in English, with courses focusing on culture, society, and history.
